Never Start a Meeting with Work

For the East Coast readers, I’m so sorry you are dealing with wildfire smoke. We on the West Coast have lived through a few recent smoke storms and understand how horrible they are. Take care of yourselves. Today is also Ocean Day, so for the sake of the sky and the ocean let’s figure out how to make meaningful changes to address climate change.

Lehua ohia red flowers – Flickr Emily Jung Miller

Never Start a Meeting with Work

A few months ago I attended the Collective Impact Conference online. It is a conference I enjoy and made a point of signing up again this year, especially when I saw the lineup of keynote speakers. Krista Tippett, the host of the podcast OnBeing was one of the speakers. While watching the conversation with Tippett she talked about how rituals in gatherings are important. When I heard this, it made me realize how much I miss the ritual and format of meetings that I used to host.

Process versus Ritual

A former boss pointed out how I despise process. She was wrong about many things, but right about that one. I don’t have the patience for processes. I often want to tackle problems and understand them, not deal with security design reviews, trainings to be in compliance with mandates, or absentminded protocols. But over time, I realize I do enjoy intentional steps to relate and understand problems. Rituals can help lead us to relationships, versus processes that are transactional.

At my former job, we collectively developed rituals and a cadence to our meetings – much of it centered on POC comfort and well-being (sounds frou-frou, but it really wasn’t). Everyone would arrive and settle in. I’d mingle and say hello, welcome new people, then we would start. I’d give everyone a “relationship building” prompt/question and actively encourage people to find someone new to talk to. For the introverts I told them don’t fear it would be a short conversation so if they got squirrely there was an out. After the relationship building question, we’d come back together and have more rituals, than the main part of the meeting. People knew the format and settled in quickly because they knew what to expect. The rituals and practices helped us to have a heartbeat to the meeting. It also gave us a collective center to come back to when we needed to recenter and come back to our group values of being anti-racist, centering POC voices, and valuing relationships versus practices. People said our meetings felt different and that is why they came.

Rituals in New Spaces

I’m now in a different organization and getting my sea legs. As I settle in, I realize I miss some of my former meeting rituals to fall back on with my new peeps. As the noob, I know I can’t just go in and disrupt the known patterns. I’m starting to find ways to bring in some of the rituals from my past work life into the new space – not all but some of the ones that work. Slowly as a new group we’re finding new rituals and finding ways to build relationships that center anti-racism and anti-ableism.

I’m also experimenting with how to create rituals that stick and work in online spaces. I remember when we first pivoted to online, it was neat, even comforting to keep gathering even remotely. At a certain point though the efficiencies of online also meant being ultra-efficient and not taking time to practice the rituals of the past. We had to rethink why we’re gathering and use the practices and rituals that support that why. Online spaces are here to stay, so we need to make them better and more relational.

Rituals that Stick

For me here are a few of the rituals I think will stick:

  • Opening with a purpose and invite people to participate in the opening – invite everyone to share in some way. In person it can be introduce themselves to someone new. Online – have everyone briefly introduce themselves or use the comment function.
  • Talk about why we’re gathering or meeting – what is the purpose and why the people invited are there – acknowledging their wisdom and knowledge, especially the wisdom of people traditionally overlooked – Black and Indigenous partners, elders, the wisdom of the place (e.g. the land or building).
  • Closing. Priya Parker, author and facilitator, wrote “Never end a funeral with logistics.” I am trying to create more rituals around closing meetings with gratitude and acknowledgment. Acknowledging we did something important together, gratitude to the POCs who shared or the allies who adjusted their thinking, and thank people for levity and fun.
  • Rinse and repeat – doing these same practices over and over again so they stick and become rituals. Adapt them as needed to fit the group and changing times, but also hold to core elements.

What rituals are sticking with you?

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I am writing from the lands of the 29 federally recognized and non-federally recognized tribes in now Washington State, including the Coast Salish people — Duwamish, Muckleshoot, Suquamish, Snoqualmie, Snohomish, and Native American organizations that have treaty rights and have been here since time immemorial. I give my thanks to the elders, Native and Indigenous colleagues and relations, and the land itself. Fakequity pays “rent” to Native organizations in Washington and Hawai’i; a small act to repair and work to be in more justice-based relations.