If I wrote horror movies

I got invited to a Lake House which to normal people sounds idyllic. The name “The Lake House” reminds me of horror movies – a charming house, a big body of water, an isolated spot — all perfect for a horror movie. I thought I’d take a stab (ha, a pun) at writing some light horror titles for the blog.

First a few in honor of the Americans with Disability Act turning 34 tomorrow, and July is Disability Pride month, we’ll start with a few horrors for people with disabilities.

Wheelchair ramp at a steep angle. Person in a wheelchair with a yellow cap being pushed up the ramp by another person
A wheelchair ramp in Eastern Europe that is at too steep an incline. Photo credit United Nations

15° Slope – The horror of trying to navigate a ramp that is too steep and with bumps

The Cord – As electric vehicles become more common, all of those charging cords are draped over sidewalks. So annoying. They are tripping hazards, bad for wheelchair users to have to bump over, and if you want to strangle someone it makes it much easier – please don’t.

Anxiety, The Election 2024 – The title is self explanatory. Hopefully we turn it into not a real life horror movie.

Kareem and the Karens – Kareem must escape a room full of white women, all named Karen. The Karens are ‘good people’ who aren’t racist — they could never be. They compete to adopt Kareem as their office project. They start out nice giving him banana bread, then move on to knitting him hats, and finally insisting on giving him a nickname of Ken. He attempts to plot his escape, will it work or is he in so deep he can never escape?

Dorm Fever – Five college freshmen, all from different racial backgrounds, like a 2024 Target ad, move into a dorm. They are part of an unwitting experiment to see who will survive the longest as a laboratory virus takes hold and preys on those with the highest stress levels.

The Maze – A Latina lawyer attempts to rise in the world of corporate law. She thinks she’s being mentored by a lawyer who acts as a fixer to the city’s most powerful people. Can she survive the bland ‘power lunches,’ fundraisers where everyone gets sloshed, and will people step aside so she can lead?

Condensation in Drips – A group of POC volunteers get called before an all-white organization and told how wonderful they are for doing “God’s work.” The nightmare continues when they are continually questioned but praised at the same time.

Children of the Soybean – As Asian family moves into a rural town that grows soybeans. The towns people believe they will save the dying soybean crops but only if the family sacrifice their youngest.

White female, two white males wearing ties. Computer generated image made to look like plastic Ken type dolls.

The Hiring – A Black person being interviewed for a job by an all-white hiring panel. Wait this isn’t a horror movie, this happens in real life ALL THE TIME.

An Asian in a City without Rice – This would be a nightmare. I cannot.

Have a chuckle with me and let’s make sure these stay as fictional movie titles.

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