Excuses to not go to gatherings

Picture of a red panda yawning on a log. Photo by Flickr on Pexels.com

Editor’s note — 75% sure no blog post next week. I want to enjoy summer a bit and will probably take the week off from writing.

As we start to emerge from their COVID hibernations we’re going to need some excuses to get out of meetings we don’t want to attend or just to hold onto the joy of not being around others. Here are some prompts to choose from so you don’t have to lie and say “Can’t, I’m getting my third COVID vaccination dose,” that is just ethically wrong so don’t use that as your excuse. Instead, choose one line from each category to string together your excuse.

[Legal and moral stuff: Fakequity does not condone lying. Honesty, truth, and all of those good moral behaviors are better than coming up with fake excuses.]

Intro/First Part

I can’t because

I need to

I am out of


I need to KonMari

The blogger at Nonprofit AF said (Hi to our blogger friend Vu. Check out his blog archives if you haven’t read it lately.)

Choose an accomplicate or scapegoat

Best friend




Harvard professor

My neighbor with the Black Lives Matter sign

My goat

Choose a Reason

Needs to catch up on listening to the NPR Code Switch podcast.

Needs to start and finish the President Barack Obama’s A Promised Land audiobook, just 30 hrs of listening.

Rewrite a grant to remove passive racist savior language.

Go through all of my books and DVDs to find the Harry Potter, Little House on the Prairie, and other authors who are no longer relevant because or their views.

Distribute the toilet paper I hoarded during COVID. (In seriousness, if you do have extra toilet paper consider donating it to a food bank, they will get it to people who would appreciate it.)

Get people out to vote, cause the opponent is a racist asshole who believes critical race theory is a hoax.

Empty out my purse or car, cause it has too much stuff – pens, voter stickers, umbrella leftover from a protest, Sharpie from fixing racist signs, seeds to plant in community gardens, extra books by authors of color to leave in Little Free Libraries, sunscreen from canvassing for candidates.

Go to the store/pick up my online order of lemons to give to my [choose from above], their face needs more pucker.

Needs to evolve into my/their better anti-racist self.

Tell my boss to include a salary range on nonprofit job descriptions.

Watch all the Korean dramas before they leave Netflix.

Delete my old-me unwoke Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram posts.

Create an Instagram post of my social justice street art.

Can’t deal with racist people tonight.

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I am writing from the ancestral lands of the 29 federally recognized and non-federally recognized tribes in now Washington State, including the Coast Salish people — Duwamish, Muckleshoot, Suquamish, Snoqualmie, and Native American organizations that have treaty rights and have been here since time immemorial. I give my thanks to the elders, Native and Indigenous colleagues and relations, and the land itself. Fakequity pays “rent” to Native organizations in Washington and Hawaii; a small action to hopefully repair and work to be in more justice based relations.