Note: No blog next week. I’ll be taking the week off for the holiday week.

This week’s blog post is tongue-in-cheek. Please don’t take it seriously. Like all stereotypes, there are sand grain sizes of truth to the larger oceans of fullness and richness. There are similar lists on the internet, but I wanted to write my own. I came up with the idea before checking online; turns out I’m not as original as I thought. Enjoy, chuckle, don’t take it overly seriously, but if you do see something that resonates ask yourself why.

1. Put up signs that say “Black Lives Matter,” “Together we believe,” “Hate has no home here,” but do nothing different in their lives to affirm these values or change their behaviors. The only POCs who visit the houses with these signs are housekeepers, dog walkers, or other contractors — yay you for hiring POCs, still eyeroll at the sign but keeping it comfortable by only having paid POCs over.
2. “I made a donation to the POC organization after I used their service displacing their clients.” No need to announce your good-white-people-status, just do the action and be quiet. We get the virtue signaling.
3. Love Will Smith. No other Black actors exist by name.
4. Worship social justice movements.
5. Use the word equity but refuse to say Black, Brown, people of color, racism, white supremacy.
6. Believe Jesus and all of Christianity is white. 6.5 Believe Santa is white. 6.6 Wonder why Jesus has 12 disciples and why there are 12 reindeer (k this one isn’t white, this is just me and late night rambling).
7. Hire Robin DiAngelo and white racial equity speakers and trainers. Learn from white people who will make you uncomfortable but shut down when POCs make you too uncomfortable.
8. Announce you have a Black friend, married an Asian, live in a diverse neighborhood.
9. Say they have Black and Brown friends, and they are the ‘good ones.’
10. Be first to speak in meetings. Must also fill silences in meetings, pauses and awkward silences are just an invitation to fill the talking space.
11. White people love taking the whole sidewalk space. They rarely shift their bodies to the side when Black people and POCs are walking on the sidewalk too.
12. Don’t bother learning people’s names – cause Asian women are interchangeable, all Black people look the same, Latinx people only have a handful of names. While we’re at it mispronounce names or give people nicknames because they can’t learn someone’s name that isn’t a name in the top 100 baby name list.
13. Say All Lives Matter. If you don’t realize why this is offensive, stop reading and do an online search for why this is offensive, go down that research hole — you need it.
14.  Claim reverse racism. Or at the least announce they are aggrieved because they didn’t get something.
15. Make equity work depend on more funding.
16. Only make accessibility happen after a lawsuit.
17. Threaten lawsuits if they don’t get what they want.
18. Insist on ‘accountability’ to them.
19. Refuse to call out other white people for the bad behaviors.
20. Insist they are perfect and therefore never annoying. Individualism at all times – I’m not annoying like the other white people, but all POCs are one monolithic group.

Thank you to K-Fishie🐠 and Eggplant🍆 for rounding out the list and chuckling with me. The list was written with white and mixed-race POC-white input.

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I am writing from the lands of the 29 federally recognized and non-federally recognized tribes in now Washington State, including the Coast Salish people — Duwamish, Muckleshoot, Suquamish, Snoqualmie, and Native American organizations that have treaty rights and have been here since time immemorial. I give my thanks to the elders, Native and Indigenous colleagues and relations, and the land itself. Fakequity pays “rent” to Native organizations in Washington and Hawaii; a small act to repair and work to be in more justice based relations.